Author: saedgar

In September 1969, I attended a Priesthood Meeting in Leeds, England.  That meeting was presided over by then Elder Spencer W. Kimball.  During the general training session of the conference, Elder Kimball spoke of Temples and said, “there will be hundreds of Temples in Western Europe.”  Today, sacred and Holy Temples, Houses of the Lord, are beginning to dot the Earth.  We live in an era of Temple building and Temple service.  Throughout world history, when there have been covenant-keeping people of God, we have been commanded to build Holy Temples.  Whether it was the Arch of the Covenant, Solomon’s Temple, or the beautiful and majestic temples of today, the covenant people of God have been instructed to build Holy Temples to their God.  These are magnificent structures of learning and covenant-making.  They play a necessary and critical role in building Zion, Gathering Israel, raising a covenant making and covenant keeping people, and preparing for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.

In the Lord’s Holy Temples, we learn of Jesus Christ and God’s Eternal Plan of Salvation.  We are taught in the simplest terms about the Great and Eternal Plan of Salvation; we make and strive to keep sacred and Holy Covenants with our God; and, we revisit often to review and renew our covenants.  In the process, we hope to draw ourselves and our families (on both sides of the veil) nearer to God.  All that we do in the temple points us towards Jesus Christ.  According to a modern-day Apostle, “…everything in the temple glorifies Him whose house it is. All we do and see in the temple bears witness of Jesus Christ as our Savior and Redeemer—the Son of God.”  (Elder David A. Bednar) Attending the Holy Temple faithfully and regularly brings rich blessing in this life, and in the life to come.  Temple attendance and service is an act of pure love that blesses all the covenant-keeping children of our Heavenly Father …on both sides of the veil.

In May 2002, I had a unique temple experience.  I was honored to attend the Bountiful Utah Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with my daughter, Melissa.  Aside from proxy baptisms for the dead, this was her first Temple ordinance session for the living (herself), and an enormous spiritual experience for me.  We began our visit by sitting together in the chapel session with a few very close friends and family members.  Melissa would soon be making sacred and Eternal Covenants in the House of the Lord.  I sat with her and fought to hold back my emotional joy.  I was so proud of Melissa’s decision and happy to be sharing that major event with her.  While I was overjoyed and filled with love for her, I also knew that Melissa’s deceased mother was nearby …on the other side of the veil.  It was truly an enormous spiritual event.

After a few opening remarks by the officiator, Melissa was escorted to the Initiatory Rooms, and I was left temporarily by myself in the chapel.  I moved to the back row of the chapel and sat quietly ponder the blessing of that day.  My thoughts were mostly about Melissa and how much I loved her.  Since her mother’s death (when she was only 11 years old), Melissa had been “a rock” in her support and help within our home.  At that tender age, she somehow intuitively knew what needed to be done.  Whether she learned those skills from her mother over the years, or she was inspired and guided by the Holy Spirit (or both), she knew what needed to be done, and she went about doing it.  Of our seven children, Melissa was the assertive one.  On that day in the Temple, I sat in the chapel pondering and thinking about what led us to that sacred event.  I truly felt joy in my heart.

After about ten or fifteen minutes, I decided to stand and stretch my legs.  I asked for directions to the drinking fountain.  Returning to the chapel, I was stopped by a Temple Ordinance Worker who pointed at two large, over-sized doors covered in bronze.  He said, “do you know what doors these are?”  I didn’t.  He said, “these are the doors that face the East.  They are the doors that Jesus Christ will pass through when He enters into this temple.”  The thought set me back for a moment.  I stared at the doors, thought deeply about the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, and tried to image His appearance with the doors wide open.  I approached the heroic-sized doors and examined their surface.  They were indeed bronze covered with raised shapes of the Sun, Moon, and Stars. Outside, it was early in the morning, and the Sun was just rising over the eastern mountains.  Inside, I ran my hand over the surface of the doors and could feel the warmth of the Sun’s rays as it rested on the outside of the doors and radiated the warmth to the inside surface.  Slowly, I slid the palm of my hand over the shapes of the Sun, Moon, and Stars.  As I felt the warmth and pondered about the Savior, I was overwhelmed with the conviction that Jesus Christ himself indeed will come again and will enter His Holy Temples.

After several emotional minutes, I quietly walked back to the chapel.  As I walked, I felt love and confidence, and the warmth of the Holy Spirit.  When I sat down, I opened the scriptures and began to search for references to the children of God being taught at the Temples, and of the Lord coming to His Holy Temples.  I found several, and I noticed a significant pattern of building Temples to the Lord where His covenant people would come to be taught.  Consider these references:

• • The Prophet Nephi built a Temple. (2 Nephi 5:16)
  • Jacob taught in the Temple. (Jacob 1:17)
  • King Benjamin gathered and taught at the Temple. (Mosiah 1:18)
  • Alma & Amulek taught at the Temple. (Alma 16:13)
  • The Sons of Mosiah taught at the Temple. (Alma 23:2)
  • The Nephites gathered at the Temple when Christ came. (3 Nephi 11:1)
  • The Nephite people were told Christ shall “…suddenly come to His Temple.” (3 Nephi 24:1)

Not long after my emotional experience at the massive doors and my brief scriptural searching, I was invited to join Melissa in the Ordinance Room.  It was a glorious and joyful session.  Melissa was so beautiful.  After the session, we were invited into the Celestial Room of the Temple.  My joy was filled again to overflowing as I embraced my beautiful daughter.  Words cannot describe my feelings as we stood there, dressed in the robes of the Holy Priesthood, standing in the Celestial Room, surrounded by some of our closest family and friends, and knowing that Melissa’s mother (my dear Jenny) was nearby.  That day, my heart was full.

“…the Lord whom ye seek shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in; behold, he shall come, saith the Lord of Hosts.”
(Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 24: 1)

(Note: I have recently revisited the Bountiful Utah Temple.  I notice the East doors no longer have the raised shapes of the Sun, Moon, and Stars.  The shapes have been removed and the doors are now decorated with more standard trim.)

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Some things in life are better off left unseen: the realities of war; the accidental horrors of real life; or sometimes, the manufactured evil or grotesque scenes in an explicit film.  These types of events can leave negative and lasting impressions on our minds.  Many are often unavoidable, especially if you are a first responder, or if you are somehow involved in the event.

However, if you are just a “standby observer,” watching these events on the sidelines is usually not healthy.  We may find (or think) there are some “redeeming qualities” that make an event worth watching.  However, that is usually not the case.  Fortunately, as observers, we usually have the power to avoid or minimize our exposure to these scenes (change the channel, turn away, walk out, or just walk away).  However, sometimes when these scenes come before our eyes, we are often curious, then intrigued, and finally tempted to continue watching.  In the end, our brain takes pictures that our mind can’t easily erase.  And, we will have lasting bad memories that will no doubt affect us emotionally and be hard to forget.

“Life is a stage,” and we don’t always know what will come out from behind the curtain and into our view.  Much of what we see is wonderful.  But occasionally, we are exposed to the evil or morbid side of life.  We can’t always control what we will see.  Images flash before our eyes and leave lasting impressions.  However, we do have the power to avoid or minimize our exposure to their influence.  Knowing when to turn away is wisdom!  If you do not turn away, there is often regret.

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Being a “Dad” is one of life’s greatest honors.  The call of a child, “Daddy’s home,” is one of the sweetest and most beautiful calls I’ve heard!  The role of “Daddy” comes with the most profound joy and the indescribable feeling of pure love.  But it also comes with the sacred responsibilities of protecting our children, teaching them correct principles and helping them to become valuable contributing members of society.  These are noble responsibilities that should not be taken lightly.  I know at times being a Dad can be a challenge for most of us; and, to be certain, it has been a difficult road for me.  I wish I could say I’ve always been a good Dad.  I know I’ve been okay; I wanted to be better.  But frankly, I’ve had one major setback and several personal struggles during my years as an enterprising young Dad.  Regardless, over time I’ve come to a knowledge of some fundamental conclusions, and I’d like to share them.  So, I write this, not because I’m an expert, but because I’ve learned some lessons over many years of being a Dad (now more than half a century).

Spiritual Preparation:

Being a parent is a sacred and spiritual responsibility.  These little ones are literally spiritually begotten children of God, our Heavenly Father.  He loves them more than we know!  And in His great plan, He wants them protected, taught divine truths and principles, and prepared spiritually to return to Him!  As parents, we need to understand that relationship; and, God expects us to understand it, too.  If we are alert to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, there are many times when we look at our little ones, and we can see the spark of divinity. And at those times, we know of its truth!

Having children is not necessarily the same as being a parent.  Parenting is a lifelong commitment of love, caring, nurturing, education and example.  To prepare for the many responsibilities, you and I need to be our best, and we need to be spiritually prepared.  To do that, we need to:

• • • Be personally healthy and productive,
    • Understand the Great and Eternal Plan of Salvation,
    • Live the Gospel of Jesus Christ (keep His commandments),
    • Make and keep (Honor) sacred covenants, and
    • Learn to feel and rely on the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

With the help of the Holy Spirit, we will be able to respond appropriately when our children (or grandchildren) present us with teaching opportunities.  ”Some of the best teaching moments start as a question or concern in the heart of a child.” Devin Durrant

Brief Overview of My Story:

My personal parenting experiences are probably very different than most.  My wife and I decided early on that we wanted to have eight (8) children (that was her number, and I agreed)!  We had both observed that large families seemed to be “happier” than small family units.  That’s not always the case; but at the time, it seemed that way to us.  So, we began our family with eight children in mind.  Sadly, shortly after the birth of our seventh child, my dear wife became seriously ill and passed away suddenly.  At that moment, parenting for me took on a new dimension.   Our seven (7) children (ages four months through 13 years) became my sole responsibility.  This was for me a near overwhelming responsibility.

My wife (my dear Jenny Marie) was a great woman, a great wife, and a great mother.  In our family, she was a rock.  Adored by each of us (…and, loved by everyone she knew), we all relied on her.  It was a shock to us all when she died.  Sadly, at the time of her death, I was ill-prepared for the sheer volume of responsibility that came with being a single parent and homemaker.  In addition to my professional career, I became fully responsible for the care and well-being of the children.  Add to that …there was housework!  That is, there was cleaning, laundry, shopping, meal preparation, washing dishes, care for an infant, helping with school assignments, yard work, and general home management.  And on top of that, there were expectations I had as the “spiritual leader” in the home: regular Daddy duties, Family Home Evenings (FHE), Family Prayers, scripture reading, church attendance, church service, bedtime stories, and periodic child counseling.  Poor me!

Anyway, I struggled for many months; and, there were good people with good intentions, who said: “it was not possible for me to manage.”  They wanted to find homes for all seven of my children.  However, I would not allow that.  I was their Dad; and, I wasn’t going to allow anyone to take them away (or separate them from each other), nor would I have someone else teach them.

Fortunately, during the first month or so, the Ward Relief Society was there to provide needed “compassionate service.”  They were wonderful and at times overwhelming in their service.  But they were great!  Also, my two oldest children were daughters: a 13 and an 11-year-old.  Both were determined to fill in for their mother.  They were very helpful, and we all grew together.  They were perfect evidence of the saying “the Lord makes compensations.”  But at the time of the crisis, I still had to somehow get my arms around the burden of my new responsibilities.  I knew I lacked many of the skills of a homemaker, and I needed to learn those skills.

I was a military man, and for me the solution was obvious.  I had to “organize my unit.”  I’m not recommending the following actions as the perfect solutions, but for me, they worked.  We got organized.  I began by writing “Our Family Vision and Mission Statement.”  Then, we identified all the routine tasks that we needed to do.  I created Operating Procedures/Instructions and wrote checklists for completing each household task.  We also established Family Rules: what to do and what not to do!  I wrote the initial draft; we met as a family council to discuss them; we modified them as necessary; and then, we voted as a family to accept and follow the final draft.  Of course, we also maintained a detailed family calendar of activities and kept it up to date, as necessary.

In addition to these basic family instructions, checklists, and rules, we tried to follow guidelines from the church and “align with the Brethren.”  At the risk of sounding overly simplified, we generally tried to follow the list of “key teaching opportunities” below. They are provided here for your general consideration:

• • • Family Home Evening (FHE): Plan them ahead of time; joyfully, and faithfully follow through.
    • Family Prayer: Daily and meaningful.
    • Family Scripture Study: Learn to love and share this treasure.
    • Parental teaching by example (integrity): Practice what you Teach.
    • Listen to the Holy Spirit: Humbly respond to promptings.

Over the years, I have come to appreciate the wisdom and counsel from “the Brethren” that we should emphasize these basic activities in our homes.  I say “over the years” because I know how infrequently I held an effective Family Home Evening or a meaningful Family Scripture Study.  We usually held them, but I’m not sure how successful they were.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe we were more successful than I thought.  I guess I’m just admitting my sense of a shortfall and expressing my sincere regret.

Now, organizing the work and writing procedures are important, but they don’t accomplish the work by themselves.  They were like a compass which points the way and gives us guidance and instruction.  However, I found that knowing what to do didn’t always translate into accomplishing what needed to be done.  We did okay with many things, but we were less successful with others.

(Note:  I learned to pray a lot in those days and years; but I confess, FHE, Family Prayers and Family Scripture Study suffered.  I sometimes wish I could have a “do-over,” but it is what it is.  My children put up with a great deal, but they have been forgiving, and they still love me.  And, there was a “silver lining.” Being a single parent has been a growing experience.)

A New Adventure and a Wonderful Blessing:

After six (6) years as a single-parent family, the “Captain and Seven children” began a new adventure.  I met a beautiful woman at a Regional Single Adult Conference in Long Beach, California.  I could tell she was a good and kind person with a powerful testimony of Jesus Christ and the Great Plan of Salvation.  Plus, we found we had much in common.  She had come from “a military background,” so my operating procedures and checklists didn’t frighten her.  And, she actually liked me.  Kathy had two (2) young children of her own; and, it didn’t frighten her away when she found I had seven (7) children.  After about eight months of dating and getting acquainted, we fell in love and were married and sealed together in the Holy Temple.  About a year and a half later, we added an additional child to our family.  We became the proverbial “yours, mine & ours” family.

Today, all ten of our children are on their own, with children of their own, but we are still on-call, ready to find additional opportunities to love and teach our grown children and our grandchildren.  Frankly, we are never released from these Eternal callings.  And, today our responsibility to teach correct principles, is as important as ever.  As I look back on those years with the children, I think we did okay!  They somehow survived, and we all still love each other.

However, I’ve often thought “what more could I have done?” “What important truths and principles should I have emphasized more?” “What truths and principles would have blessed and helped them the most?”  As I’ve thought about this, I made a list.  What should a parent teach his children?  The answer to this is probably a “no brainer.”  I know we all know this!  But I wrote them down anyway to formally record and document these simple but Eternal principles we need to teach our children.  So, here’s my list:

Parental Training Topics for Teaching our Children:

• • • Introduce them to Jesus Christ (our Savior and the perfect example to follow). Live like the Savior.  They already know and love Him but talk to them about Him.
    • Teach them to Love God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
    • Teach them to pray, and to learn to talk to our Heavenly Father.
    • Teach them to love the Scriptures, our spiritual guidebooks to learning the Commandments and the nature of God.
    • Teach them to keep the commandments and to “live like the Savior.”
    • Guide them along the Covenant Path, the path to Eternal Life (the Doctrine of Christ …Faith, Repentance, Baptism, the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and beyond).
    • Teach them to stay on the Covenant Path.
    • Teach them about the glorious and Eternal Plan of Salvation, the Plan of Happiness.
    • Teach them to listen to the Holy Spirit, to receive revelation. Revelation is all around us.  Learn to connect Spirit to Spirit.
    • Strive to help them prepare for and serve full-time missions.
    • Teach them to prepare for Eternal Marriage in the Holy Temple.
    • Pray for them, and with them, during the trials and challenges of youth, and beyond.

Final Thoughts:

Today our responsibility to teach our children correct principles is as important as ever.  So, in conclusion, please know this, we cannot do it effectively without the guiding influence of the Holy Spirit (aka the Holy Ghost) in our lives. He is our friend!  If we are prepared and worthy, the Holy Spirit will enlighten our minds to know of Jesus Christ, to learn more of Him, to become more like Him, and to guide us in teaching our children of Christ.  The Holy Spirit is the one who will prepare us to come unto Jesus Christ, our Savior.  Ultimately, He will bring us into the presence of God the Father and Jesus Christ.  And again, He is the one who will inspire and guide us as we strive to teach our children the truth, and He will guide them unto Jesus Christ.  At that moment, if we faithfully follow the Doctrine of Christ, we will stand confidently in the presents of God the Father and His Son, Jesus the Christ.

“…in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.  I urge you to stretch beyond your current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation.  Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly.”  President Russell M. Nelson

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The Holy Ghost should be our best friend. He’s a good friend to have. He is the third member of the Godhead.  He is a God.  He is “the Revelator and Sanctifier of the Truth,” and His primary mission is to bear true testimony of God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.  Pure light and knowledge from the Father and the Son are revealed and confirmed to us by the Holy Ghost.  He reveals, inspires, ratifies and confirms all light and truth.  When a worthy person receives a valid sacred ordinance, it will be confirmed, ratified and sealed by the Holy Ghost (the Holy Spirit of Promise).  Without the sealing power of the Holy Ghost, an ordinance is invalid and ineffectual (D&C 132:7).  It is by the Holy Ghost that sacred ordinances are confirmed and the true disciples of Jesus Christ are sanctified.  Is the Holy Ghost a good friend?  Yes, He is a very good Friend, and it would be wise to make Him our Best Friend!

To find true joy in this life, we must develop a close relationship with the Holy Ghost.  Through Him, you shall receive “knowledge upon knowledge” and “know the mysteries and peaceable things–that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.” (D&C 42:61)  You will be filled with “righteousness and truth.”  (D&C 121:46)  For that to happen, we must begin by learning of him.  Who is He; what is His mission; how does He carry out his mission; and, how can I communicate with Him?  By necessity, we must learn the following: what must we do to qualify for His companionship and inspiration; how do we recognize inspiration from Him; how and when does He inspire us; what can we expect; and, what should be our response?

Learning to recognize the influence of the Holy Ghost is an important skill!  If you’re eligible, then pay attention to “the still small voice” and/or “the spiritual promptings.”  Watch for them!  And, each time you receive inspiration, make notes of the circumstances leading up to and surrounding the event.  Keep the notes in your journal.  What were you doing before and during the event?  Also, record the circumstance of the event, what were you doing, and how and what did you feel when it happened.  Try to be specific.  Do this each time you sense the Holy Ghost was guiding you.  Over time, and after several events, compare your records and try to see similarities.  How are these events similar?  Eventually, as you carefully consider these events, you will begin to see commonalities in each experience.  Remember these commonalities, and watch for them in the future.  Your understanding of the workings of the Spirit will begin to increase.  Soon, you will begin to more clearly recognize the promptings, when they happen, as inspired revelation from the Holy Ghost.  And, you will grow in Light and Truth.

The Holy Ghost is our primary and best source for “light and truth.”  Plus, He has a vast spiritual wireless network that is all around us and has unlimited range and bandwidth.  His network is always UP and has an excellent signal.  However, to access the network, we must have the right login credentials.  Those credentials include: worthiness, spiritual preparation, humility, and a desire to know the will of God.  And, of course, our personal receiver must be turned ON!  It would be wise for us to “Friend Him” and always stay in contact.

Can or should we realistically expect to receive influence from the Holy Ghost?  Yes, if we are worthy of his influence, and/or in serious need for his help and guidance.  He may inspire and strengthen us in need, but if we are unworthy, his influence will be limited and will not remain with us.  When we are carnal, devilish, generally unworthy, or just not living in accordance with our personal understanding of God’s will, we restrict or block our connection with the Holy Ghost, and His influence by necessity must withdraw.

However, regardless of who we are or what we have done in the past, our Heavenly Father still loves us because we are His children, spiritually begotten of Him. He has a Divine Plan of Happiness that can yet allow us to be with Him again.  His beloved Son Jesus Christ has paid the ultimate price to redeem us (His Atonement for our sins, and His Resurrection from the dead).  All He asks of us is that we come unto Him, repent and forsake our sins, keep His commandments, and make and honor our covenants with Him.  And, the great gift He gives us is the promised influence of the Holy Ghost to guide us to and along the covenant path back to Him.  As we stay on and progress along the path, enduring faithfully in righteousness to the end, the Holy Ghost will ultimately introduce us into the presence of God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.  We will stand in their presence with joy and confidence and hear them say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou has been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord” (Matthew 25:21).

So, is the Holy Ghost an important influence in our efforts to become more “Christlike?”  Yes, He is!

In conclusion, please read carefully the following enlightened perspective from Elder David A. Bednar concerning the powerful influence of the Holy Ghost in our lives.  Read it a few times and note that “the Holy Ghost is a revealer of Truth.”  The Truth is what we are after, in all humility.  The truth will lead us to God and Eternal Life!

“You, nor I, cannot hide from what we really are like if we ask the Holy Ghost to help us see ourselves as we really are.  The natural man and the natural woman, in my opinion, are extraordinarily adept at rationalizing and hiding from what we are really like.  So, if truth is knowledge of things as they were, as they will be, and as they really are, and if the Holy Ghost is a revealer of truth, and he is, then you cannot hide behind the typical rationalizations and constructions that we have of our self when the Holy Ghost shows you things as they really are.  Humility is an openness to information, some of which we may not want to receive, that helps us take steps to rely upon the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and thereby become increasingly like Him and His character.”
Elder David A. Bednar

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Too often, the transition from restful slumber to “awake and standing” is met with resistance.  Getting out of bed early in the morning can be a challenge, especially when you have important intervening variables to manage: such as children, school and work.  However, as you grow older, these variables begin to fade, and you begin to have more control over your personal life.

I’d like to share my growing love and appreciation for waking and getting up early in the morning.  I honestly like and look forward to getting up early each day.  But, I haven’t always felt that way.  This has been a learned appreciation.  It did not come naturally.  At first, getting up early was by necessity; but over time, it was by choice.  I observed there were two important truths about waking up:  1) it is always easier to get up when I have something positive to look forward to.  So, I made it a point each night before bed, to review my calendar for the next day, and to ponder about my opportunities.  And, 2) I realized, after getting out of bed, there was rarely more than about a five minute transition period between slumber and fully awake.  So, I determined to always stand straight up when the alarm goes off, take a deep breath, and step away from the bed (do not sit back down on the bed).  Within five minutes (or less), I was thinking clearly and ready to get on with my morning.

My personal preference is to awake and arise at 5:00 am.  That is normally before sunrise.  The world is dark and peaceful; and, there is a quiet and growing anticipation of morning light.  I have found it to be a calm and magical time.  It energizes me for the new day; and, I feel much more spiritually sensitive at that quiet time, too.  These are definitely spiritual moments that make getting up early well worth the effort. Perhaps, the only possible downside to getting up early is the need to go to bed early the night before.  However, going to bed early each day also has many additional advantages.  (Maybe I should write about that sometime.)

Anyway, in addition to the blessings mentioned above, getting up early in the morning also has many “practical” benefits.   Some of these benefits include:

• • • You avoid some of those dumb, unrealistic, nonsense dreams that usually occur shortly before you wake up.
    • You enjoy that valuable and peaceful “quiet time” in the morning.
    • You control your natural body and put your mind and spirit in charge.
    • You get personal time each day to quietly contemplate, ponder, meditate and plan your day.
    • You give yourself time each day to prepare for your stewardships and your mission/work/life.
    • You allow yourself time to peacefully approach your Heavenly Father (at a regular time and place) to offer up your love and gratitude to Him in prayer, and to ask for daily guidance.
    • You train your body and mind to focus and be ready to receive “Further Light and Knowledge.”
    • You open your heart and mind to receive revelation and guidance from the Holy Spirit.
    • You allow quality time to prayerfully read and study the Holy Scriptures.
    • You allow time in the morning for a little physical exercise.

So, there you have it.  Getting up early in the morning is a gift basket to yourself.  In the basket you’ll find several positive benefits: greater spiritual growth, an increase of Enlightenment and Knowledge, better personal preparation and organization for the new day, better clarity of thought and productivity, greater self-esteem, increased mental awareness and insight, a longer day, a healthier life, and a far better and more optimistic outlook on the day.

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NOTE: Here is a simple approach for teaching young children (toddlers) to be reverent in church.  I developed and used it successfully for many years while raising our children.  It was especially helpful to me when I was a widowed, single, military parent (and, raising seven children ages 4 months to 13 years old).  The “procedure” probably fits nicely into the category of “Tools for Mr. Mom.”  To be sure, it is a man’s approach; but, it’s not limited to men.  That said, I expect there will be some “real Moms” out there who may frown a little at its application.  But for me, I’m a “concrete sequential” kind of guy; and, I desperately needed to figure this out, …and write it down.  So, here’s the plan:

Key Principles:

• • • We need to make being reverent in the chapel a happy and positive experience for children. They need to think/know that being quiet on the pew with Mom and Dad is better than being elsewhere.
    • Children naturally act like “kids:” full of goodness, fun, curiosity, and love. But, they need to be cultivated and learn an attitude of reverence.
    • Patterning and learning reverence begins in the home. So, in the home, we need to begin by developing an atmosphere of reverence.  We should teach it and practice it if only for brief periods each day. Reverence at church is a manifestation of how well we’re doing.
    • Children want to please you, and they respond well to positive reinforcement.

Basic Tools:

• • • Soft/quiet educational toys/books for reverent activities.
    • An available classroom for a “Quiet Room” (try to pick an empty room).
    • Two hard chairs in the quiet room, facing away from each other.

Reverent Chapel Behavior:

Come to church at least 5 or 10 minutes early and sit reverently with your children (and as a family). Don’t permit them to be noisy or run and play in the chapel.  Do allow the children to play quietly with their soft toys and books.

Smile and softly compliment your children when they are reverent in church (and at home).

If they become restless, speak softly to them, and encourage them to focus on quiet activities.

Advanced Reverence Training:

1. 1. 1. After the meeting/service begins, if a toddler becomes irreverent and distracting from the spirit of the meeting, escort him out of the chapel (leaving the soft quiet toys behind).
      2. It’s usually best to carry the child out.  And, if the father is available, this could well be considered “his responsibility.”
      3. As you carry your child out of the chapel, don’t stop in the foyer or hallways. Go directly to your pre-designated “Quiet Room.”
      4. Gently seat the child on one of the hard chairs, facing an empty wall. You sit on the other chair, with your back to the child and facing away, apparently ignoring him.
      5. If your child tries to get off the chair, look back at him and say: “No, sit on the chair!” (It may be necessary to actually put the child back on the chair.  Be gentle, but firm!)  You may need to repeat this step several times before your child knows you mean it.
      6. Eventually, the child will remain seated but will begin to cry. Wait at least 60 seconds after he starts crying.  It may get loud, but that’s okay.  You’re in a quiet room; and, crying won’t hurt him.
      7. Then, after a minute or so (and while he’s crying), turn to your child, put out your hands, and say: “Do you want me to hold you?” This usually stops the crying, and the child will melt into your arms.

Please note: This is a very treasured moment with your arms wrapped around your perfect angel.   Wait a few minutes and enjoy that moment.

Now, …in addition to enjoying the moment, be very careful.  Your child may think the ordeal is over and want to just get down and play.  If that’s the case, he needs to go back to the hard chair and you need to repeat steps 4 thru 7 again until he remains quiet (or asleep) in your arms.  Once he has accepted the inevitable, stand up and walk lovingly and humbly back into Sacrament Meeting (with your sweet child comfortably in your arms) and take your seat again with your reverent family.

Possible Reinforcement or Follow-up Training:

Of course, if later he repeats the unacceptable and distracting behavior in Sacrament Meeting, escort him out again and repeat the Advanced Reverence Training steps above.  Soon he will understand “it’s better to be in Sacrament Meeting and reverent.”

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With “old age” coming on, I’ve come to the profound realization that the service I’ve provided in the past, for my family, and for my church, is now becoming much less required of me.  I still want to be involved in family and church activities, but it’s becoming clear (or I’m beginning to think): I’m not so much an active player; and, much of life is moving on just fine without me.  Younger men are exercising their divine roles and performing many of the tasks and services I used to perform.  My children have their own busy lives and family challenges; and, as a senior citizen, I’ve become less involved in the daily dynamic of their individual lives.  At church, very well qualified young men are being called to fill many of the church callings I used to hold.  And, my new church service opportunities are beginning to take on a more “senior” perspective.

These things are not bad.  I suppose they’re just the natural flow of life; the order of life as we age.  I know I’m still loved by my family and friends.  I know I’m respected at church.  And, I know the Gospel of Jesus Christ is still true.  But, the type and nature of my active service have changed.

Clearly, life doesn’t stand still.  If lived right, it’s dynamic …and, it progresses.  And, there is a purpose to it, a divine purpose.  As we progress along the covenant path, there are many different service opportunities, events, and experiences that occur, all of which can help to qualify us for Eternal Life (God’s Life) and prepare us for life and service in the hereafter.  As President George Albert Smith taught: “we are not here to while away the hours of this life and then pass to a sphere of exaltation, but we are here to qualify ourselves day by day for the positions that our Father expects us to fill hereafter” (see Conference Report, Apr. 1905, 62).  These qualifying “earthly experiences” are all part of God’s Great Plan.  They are teaching and refining steps in the Great Plan of Salvation …God’s Eternal Plan of Happiness.

For now, we may not want our lives or our relationships to change.  We’ve become comfortable in the way they have been.  But there is so much more to learn along this path of happiness, even as we age.  As we learn and grow, we invariably see there is so much more to life.  So, we change and move along the covenant path (we progress).  And, as we do, we receive new opportunities, new awareness, and new understandings.  How we adjust and deal with those changes will determine our growth.  If we make good choices and stay on the covenant path, we will find we are drawing closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God.  We will be changing and becoming more like Him (1 John 3:2 and Moroni 7:48); and becoming what He wants us to become …in this life, and for the eternities.  It’s a glorious journey well worth taking!

With those thoughts in mind, I’ve been thinking about the nature of growing older, and the opportunities I have at this stage in my life.  Many thoughts have come to mind, so I’ve tried to write them down.  The following is an initial, simplified list of “Personal Observations.”  In addition, I’ve included a simple personal list of “Introspective Questions” about how and what I can do as I grow older and strive to “Come unto Christ.”  The personal observations are good points to consider.  But more importantly, reading and pondering the introspective questions have helped me to focus on what is most important now.

Personal Observations:

• • • I have less physical energy and more stiff muscles and joints.
    • I have a greater sense of awareness.
    • I have more time to read the scriptures, ponder, and pray.
    • I enjoy my private time and quiet moments to think.
    • I have felt more introspective.
    • I am more sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.
    • I am more interested in Temple and Family History work.
    • I have a greater interest in frequently attending the Holy Temple.
    • I have the opportunity to serve Full-Time Senior Couple Missions for the Church with my wife.
    • I have learned to enjoy more the simple things in life.
    • I enjoy occasional family visits and love to be together with them.
    • I am more aware of the loving goodness of little children.  I’m drawn to them because of their goodness and Perfect Love.
    • I am kinder and more respectful of all people …and animals.
    • I am less inclined to transgress the commandments.
    • I have so many wonderful memories.

Introspective Questions:

• • • What are my responsibilities to myself and to my wife?
    • What must I do to maintain my good physical and mental health?
    • What is my current and future role in our extended family?
    • What can I still do to continue influencing my family towards the good?
    • How can I always demonstrate love for my family?
    • How can I continue to be involved in a meaningful way?
    • What more can I do to draw closer to Jesus Christ?
    • How do I “always retain” a remission of my sins (Mosiah 4:12)?
    • What can I do to magnify the Holy Priesthood in my life?
    • What contributions can I make at church?
    • What more can I do to assist in “the Great Gathering of Israel?”
    • What more can I do to help prepare for “the Glorious Second Coming of Jesus Christ?”
    • What more can I do to strengthen “my confidence in the presence of God” (D&C 121:45), and eventually be able to “stand spotless” before Him at the Last Day (3 Nephi 27:20)?
    • What more can I do to be worthy of so many blessings?

This has been a rewarding subject to consider.  Just thinking and pondering about this (and writing it down) has helped me get my arms around the irrational fear of growing old and becoming irrelevant.  I am more confident this will not happen to me …not in this life nor in the future.

Pondering upon this has also strengthens my faith and testimony of God the Eternal Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Great and Eternal Plan of Salvation.  I feel a greater love for Heavenly Father and our Savior.  My Faith in Jesus Christ, and my Hope in the Future, have been strengthened.  I have greater confidence in the future.  And, I pray at some great day, I may be able stand spotless and confident in the presence of God the Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus the Christ.

(Note: An edited version of this article was published in the Liahona Magazine, January 2021 edition, page 36.)

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When I think of my childhood in San Francisco, I often think of fishing.  I loved fishing, and some of my most vivid childhood memories are of the times I spent “sitting on the dock of the bay.”  I owe these memories to my dear mother.

Like too many other children, my parents were divorced.  I was 8 years old when I found out what divorce was.  The next two years were a difficult and turbulent time for my sisters and me.  We would find ourselves with Dad one weekend and with Mom the next.  Plus, our parents would have different boyfriends and girlfriends; and then, we had step-moms and step-dads, step-brother and step-sisters and eventually half-brothers.  Exchanges from one household to the other were usually very awkward and emotional.  Finally, in the summer of 1957, the decision was made that I (and three of my sisters) would stay with our mom.  I loved both my Mom and my Dad, but I remember how very happy I was to finally be settled with my mother.

Now, in her concern that I not be denied the rights of youth, my mother began encouraging me to learn to fish.  That first full summer with her, I spent many hours working to earn the money needed to purchase my own deep sea fishing gear.  Of course, mom subsidized my purchase, but I was able to earn some of the money and pick out my first deep sea rod.  Then one Saturday, there was the trip to Pacifica and the home of Mom’s friend Ruby.  Ruby’s husband (Jim) was a quiet gentleman who liked to work in his garage where he made his own fishing tackle.  I spent most of the day there with Jim in his garage watching him work.  He sent me home that night with some good tackle and good advice.

Soon, after a few preliminary trips to the beach for casting practice, I was ready for the big event.  I was 12 years old.  It was a Saturday and my mother planned that I would spend the day fishing under the Golden Gate Bridge.  She would drop me off early in the morning and pick me up around dinner time.  Much to my surprise, I was able to wake up that day at 4:00 am and still found my body reasonably functional.  I was very excited.  Of course, mom was up too and seemed to be as excited as I was.

It was still dark when we climbed into the car.  But, by the time we got to the Presidio of San Francisco, it was light enough to see the many wild rabbits looking for their early morning meals.  When we arrived at the access road leading down to the Golden Gate Bridge, there was enough light that the drive down the narrow road to old Fort Point beneath was not too difficult.  At the bottom of the very narrow access roadway, we came to the quayside roadway along the very edge of the bay.  Then, we continued driving along the old access road (right along the water’s edge) leading us to the old fort under the bridge.  As we neared it, we saw two or three older men already fishing.

Old Fort Point was built in 1850 as a defensive position to protect the San Francisco Bay and harbors.  The fort was strategically positioned adjacent to the entrance to San Francisco Bay.  The Golden Gate Bridge was built in about 1935, high above the fort.  When I visited the fort that day, still visible above the large old wooden doors were the words, “Fort Point,” with the year 1850 also visible.  Later in the day, I would be able to find a little diversion from fishing by looking through the gaps in the large bolted doors and by imagining the history that must have gone on behind them.  But my first and primary interest that morning while under the bridge was to get my line in the water.

I selected a spot between two of the men, took the gear out of my mother’s car, and kissed her good-bye for the day.  I soon found that I had chosen a bad spot.  A wave crashed against the quayside and rocks and rose some 15 feet over my head.  I immediately moved closer to one of the men.  He introduced himself as George.  George was an older black man who had lived in the city his entire life.  Apparently, he came often to fish under the bridge.  His car was backed up to the quayside and his little area was all set up for the day.  He spoke kindly of his wife whom he said allowed him to fish each Saturday.  George was a large man with many layers of clothing.  He wore warm gloves, but he had cut off all the fingertips exposing his fingers so he could work his fishing line and hooks.  George was very kind and clearly a seasoned fisherman.  He was also very kind and friendly to me.  He packed a lunch and snacks and was very willing to share his lunch with me, the kid who forgot to bring lunch.  He must have been humored by me, a skinny 10-year-old boy with inadequate clothing and little experience as a fisherman.  By the end of the morning, George proved to be a good friend and a willing teacher.

We spent most of the day together.  We didn’t talk much.  George was a quiet man.  Mostly he was just kind and friendly.  Plus, he taught me how to tie my leader, bate my hooks, cast out, and reel in my line.  He also knew exactly where to cast his line without getting it tangled in the rocks below.  As for me, I got tangled too often and had to cut my line many times losing my leaders and hooks.  And, it seemed that for every fish I caught, George would reel in four …plus a few crabs.

After that day and for some time into the fall, George and I met nearly every Saturday morning for more fishing.  My fishing skills didn’t improve all that much, but I gained a lot from being there with George.  We sat and fished and talked a little.  We also listened to the sounds of the waves, the cries of the seagulls, and the blaring of fog horns …sounds that comfort me (then and now).  I returned many times to fish with George …and, to think about important things.  I thought, and fished, and thought some more.  Looking back on it now, I sometimes wonder if my mother ever knew just how important those fishing days were to me.  At a very difficult time in my life, I met George, a quiet man who taught me to fish and gave me personal examples of goodness, kindness, and stability.  I wonder if George knew.

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I used to enjoy the convenience of having a mobile phone.  It was great to have instant access to my family …and, the world.  With it, I could always be in contact with family, friends, and clients.  I had instant access to my e-mail messages, all my contacts, current weather reports, the news, and maps.  I even received health and fitness tips via my smartphone.  And amazingly, I also had instant access to all my personal data files in “the Cloud.”  I was digitally in control of what I thought were the most important elements of my life.

Not long ago, I decided to upgrade to a newer “smart” phone.  I selected what I thought would be the best phone for my needs.  Unfortunately, within just a few months, I began having annoying troubles.  The phone would regularly freeze up when I was in the middle of messaging.  I had to restart the device before I could continue.  It also began overheating; so much so I couldn’t keep it in my pocket.  I’ve taken the phone in several times for service, but with no success.  The service techs have tried to identify and resolve the problems, but thus far they’ve been unsuccessful.  At some point, each would say something like “we no longer support this phone,” and/or “we’ve had no training on this phone.”

Finally, I got to where I couldn’t deal with the problems anymore.  So, I deliberately left the phone in my truck (plugged into the charger).  It was just too unreliable, and it was usually too hot to touch.

Having untethered myself from the phone, I soon realized I could get much more work done.  I am no longer interrupted or distracted by annoying text message beeps, instant messaging apps, unsolicited sales calls, and social media pings.  They continued to stream into my phone and get added to the long, never-ending list of incoming messages, but I am no longer constantly being interrupted by them.  I’m more relaxed and in control of my personal life.  Yes, the phone continues to accumulate all the messages and data, but I just wait until I actually have time to review the traffic.  Also, by waiting for a “convenient” moment, I found I’m more focused and can quickly scan the seemingly endless lists and rapidly delete the meaningless and/or irrelevant items in bulk.  I am much more productive in all aspects of life.  I control the phone; it doesn’t control me.  Now I just need to figure out a way my wife can contact me when my phone is in the truck.

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I have found that I’m able to do many complex tasks if I have a clear and accurate checklist to follow. A checklist is a written, systematic, step by step process for completing a task.  It contains detailed instructions and is usually organized in a logical sequence.  Now in some ways, checklists can stifle creativity and/or free expression.  But when it comes to a complex task, checklists are useful and can help us to successfully complete a task and avoid omitting critical procedural steps.

As a military officer, I usually planned my work around a mission statement.  It was a general or big picture statement describing our organizational mission.  To support our mission statement, we identified objectives and set tasks that needed to be accomplished to meet those objectives.  Then, we wrote detailed procedural checklists to accomplish each task.  With complex tasks, it was important to not only see the big picture but to follow the checklists.  Complex tasks require each step to be followed precisely in order to reach a specific outcome and not overlook important details.  I learned to like and rely upon procedural checklists.  In the military, these checklists where tested, double checked and triple checked, just to make sure they were understandable, accurate, and effective.

Now, while I learned the benefits of checklists in my military duties, it wasn’t until I became a single parent with seven (7) children that I also learned how important they could be in the home. My world turned upside down when an unexpected illness took the life of my dear wife.  My children and I were thrown into a very sad and difficult situation.  The oldest child was just barely 13 years old, and the youngest was not yet 6 months.  During the first few months, I struggled daily with many seemingly ordinary tasks: e.g., laundry chores, grocery shopping, household cleaning, dinner menus, meal preparation, bathing, clothes shopping, etc.  It wasn’t long before I was completely overwhelmed.  I needed to somehow get my arms around these pressing responsibilities. Then a light came on in my head, and I said, “I can do this!  I just needed to identify and simplify these duties (tasks).”  And, I knew just how to do that.  I turned to my military experience in preparing and following checklists.  First, I wrote a family mission statement.  Then, I made a list of all common household and family tasks.  I identified my objectives for each individual task.  I familiarized myself with each task and wrote “operating procedures” for completing them.  And finally, I wrote individual checklists for each specific task and described what constituted a completed task.  It made a lot of sense to me, and even though some people thought it was odd (crazy may have been what they were thinking), these procedures helped me (and my children) through a challenging period in our lives.

Later, I brought these skills with checklists into my spiritual life as well.  One evening, I met with several other Latter-day Saint single parents.  We met together regularly, but this time we had a late night dinner together at Denny’s.  This was a good group of people.  But, we all shared similar challenges at home.  In addition to being single adults with children, we also had jobs; and, we were active Latter-day Saints.  It was a very challenging time in our lives.  We were struggling to balance the demands of our single parent homes with our employment; and at the same time, we were striving to live the Gospel Plan of happiness (for ourselves and our children).   We agreed, we all wanted to live as the Lord would have us live.  We wanted to obey the commandments and honor our covenants.  So, in our desperate situations, and in our efforts to become more Christ-Like, we decided to create a list of all the commandments we’ve heard mentioned over the pulpit.

Building our list of “commandments” was an interesting and ennobling exercise for our small little band of about six single parents.  When finished and typed, it was a five-page, single-spaced document (list) of commandments.  While it was educational and fun to “brainstorm” and create this list, we all knew it would be a bit overwhelming to try implementing all of it in our very busy and complicated lives.  Regardless, it was an interesting list, and we all benefited from the exercise.

Overtime and after facing some practical realities of family life, the original checklist was modified significantly.  I still have the original five-page list.  It’s fun to look at and ask “what was I thinking?”  The latest version is not really a checklist anymore.  It is a list of spiritual and temporal behaviors that, if followed, would lead a person closer to God.  After all, that should be our most important “task” in this life.  And as a bonus, this current list fits neatly on half a sheet of paper. So, here’s how the list of “To-Do’s” looks now:

The Ultimate Latter-day Saint “To-Do List”

• • • Love God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ
    • Learn of the Father and the Son
    • Have Faith in Jesus Christ
    • Repent and retain a remission of your sins
    • Enter through the Gate (Baptism)
    • Rely on the Holy Spirit to Guide you
    • Be thankful and happy
    • Rise from your bed early
    • Exercise for a few minutes each day
    • Wash your body and make yourself clean
    • Dress for the day in clean clothes
    • Have virtuous thoughts unceasingly
    • Offer daily Personal and Family Prayers
    • Study/read the Scripture
    • Read the Book of Mormon daily
    • Obey the Commandments
    • Honor your Covenants with the Lord
    • Magnify your callings and Priesthood Power
    • Attend Sacrament Meeting (take the Sacrament)
    • Elevate your Sabbath Day activities
    • Pay a generous Fast Offering
    • Pay an Honest Tithe (attend Tithing Settlement)
    • Attend the Temple Regularly
    • Love and care for your family
    • Maintain a clean living environment
    • Have Family Dinnertime
    • Hold weekly Family Home Evenings
    • Love and Serve others
    • Be kind to all mankind (and animals)
    • Share the Gospel and bear your testimony
    • Do your Home/Visiting Teaching
    • Endure in Righteousness to the end

It probably takes a rather peculiar mind to really enjoy checklists (perhaps a “concrete sequential” mind). Regardless, I just know this: checklists have been useful in blessing my life.  I should also note, the Holy Scripture and the Prophets apparently use checklists.  You can find many examples of checklists in the Holy Scriptures.  My favorite is found in the 5th chapter of the Book of Alma.  Alma’s checklist items are written as questions.  He asks, “have ye …?”, do ye …?”, “do you …?”, “can you …?”, “if ye …?”, “is there …?”, etc.  His objective was to call his people to repentance, to come unto Jesus Christ, and to “inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.” (Alma 5:51)  In my military life, in my home and family life, and in my personal/spiritual life, I have benefited greatly from the use of checklists.

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